Who said that clean jokes can’t be funny? We can prove you wrong because we have
made a compilation of clean and yet funny jokes. Nevertheless, these jokes are healthy
and good for both the young and old and even the kids. Some of these jokes can teach
you good things as well as make you laugh. These are funny and clean jokes that you
can say at any time and anywhere without the fear of abusing or insulting
someone unknowingly. Enjoy our list of funny clean jokes, we hope you’ll find them
Clean Funny Jokes
1. Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
2. Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
3. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: You’re dyslexic
4. Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
5. Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!
6. Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A popsicle.
7. Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead and I’ll hang around
8. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
9. Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
A: The road!
10. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils
11. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
12. Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.
13. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
14. Q: What do you call a man with nobody and just a nose?
A: Nobody’s nose.
15. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
16. Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
17. Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.
18. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!
19. Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.
20. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
21. Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky.
22. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
23. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
24. Q: What do you call a window that raps?
25. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
A: “With a bee-bee gun.”
26. Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
27. Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
A: Clean Jokes!
28. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
29. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
30. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Clean Good Jokes
31. Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
32. Q: When do you stop at green and go red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon!
33. Q: What did the tailor think of her new job?
A: It was sew-sew.
34. Q: What is an astronaut’s favourite place on a computer?
A: The Spacebar!
35. Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?
A: A spelling test!
36. Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A: A cloud!
37. Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!
38. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
A: She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.
39. Q: What has one horn and gives milk
A: A milk truck.
40. Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
41. Q: Can February March?
A: No. But April May.
42. Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
43. Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A: Because you dribble on the floor!
44. Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!
45. Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A: To the Baa Baa shop!
46. Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
47. Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A: So he could tie the score.
48. Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.
49. Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
50. Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam!
51. Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
52. Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard?
A: A barber.
53. Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
54. Q: What do you call a dentist in the army?
A: A drill sergeant
55. Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?
A: Tu-lips (two-lips)
56. Q: What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney?
A: You are to little to smoke!
57. Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?
58. Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!
59. Q: What did the man say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!
60. Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music.
Short Clean Jokes
61. Q: What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
A: 2 Fast 2 Curious
62. Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?
A: She dyed.
63. Q: What do you call a musician with problems?
A: a trebled man.
64. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!
65. Q: Which building is the largest?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.
66. Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
67. Q: What do you call a very religious person that sleepwalks?
A: A Roman Catholic
68. Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco?
A: He pulled a muscle
69. Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.
70. Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
A: They don’t have the guts.
71. Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
72. Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends!
73. Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
74. Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
75. Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
76. Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A: Because he wanted to work over-time!
77. Q: Do you know why diarrhoea is hereditary?
A: Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the
78. Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?
A: Urgent Tina
79. Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Its easier than walking!
80. Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
Clean Jokes For Adults
81. Q: Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people’s arms off?
A: It was a vicious cycle.
82. Q: What do you call leftover aliens?
A: Extra Terrestrials.
83. Q: What’s taken before you get it?
A: Your picture.
84. Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
85. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
86. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
87. Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
88. Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.
89. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
90. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A: A aardvark!
91. Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: The alphabet
92. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
93. Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet!
94. Q: Why do fish live in saltwater?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
95. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
96. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
97. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
98. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
99. Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get treatment.
100. Q: What did Delaware?
A: A New Jersey
101. Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
102. Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff!
103. Q: What do you call an 80s synth-pop band with a scoop of ice cream?
A: Depeche a la Mode.
104. Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
105. Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watchdog.
106. Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
107. Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second-hand shop.
108. Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams.
109. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: You’re dyslexic
110. Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: My plop is bigger than your plop.
111. Q: Why did the balloon burst
A: Because is sawed a lollypop
112. Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!
113. Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?
A: It wooden go!
114. Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
115. Q: When the best time to go to the dentist?
116. Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
A: I wanna get a head!
117. Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store?
A: It was quite an oar deal.
118. Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
119. Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
120. Q: What can you serve but never eat?
A: A volleyball.
Funny Clean Short Jokes
121. Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted!
122. Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?
A: Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog!
123. Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A: A sour puss!
124. Q: What runs but can’t walk?
A: The faucet!
125. Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A: A water bed!